by Francois Martin Hunter.
When people search “why do I feel like I’m too much?” they’re usually describing:
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Emotional intensity
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Strong reactions
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Deep empathy
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Fear of overwhelming others
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Anxiety about rejection
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Shame around needs
It often shows up in relationships.
You send the message and instantly worry you’ve said too much.
You express hurt and feel guilty for having needs.
You cry and apologise for it.
Over time, you start shrinking yourself.
Where Does This Belief Come From?
Feeling “too much” doesn’t appear out of nowhere.
It often grows from early experiences where:
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Emotions were dismissed (“Stop being dramatic.”)
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Needs were minimised (“You’re fine.”)
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Sensitivity was criticised.
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Love felt conditional on being easy, calm, or low-maintenance.
When we repeatedly receive the message that our emotions are inconvenient, we internalise it.
We don’t think:
“Those people couldn’t hold my feelings.”
We think:
“There must be something wrong with me.”
And shame quietly takes root.
The Link Between Shame and Emotional Suppression
Shame tells us:
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Don’t cry.
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Don’t need.
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Don’t ask.
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Don’t take up space.
So we try to become smaller versions of ourselves.
But suppressing emotion doesn’t make it disappear.
It often turns into:
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Anxiety
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Overthinking
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People-pleasing
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Emotional numbness
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Resentment
Or sometimes, a sudden emotional “explosion” after holding everything in.
Emotional Intensity Isn’t a Flaw
Here’s something I often say in the therapy room:
Your emotional depth is not a character defect.
Sensitivity is often linked with:
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High empathy
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Strong intuition
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Creativity
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Deep relational capacity
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Passion and loyalty
The same nervous system that feels pain deeply also feels joy deeply.
The problem isn’t that you feel too much.
It’s that you may not have had safe spaces where your emotions were welcomed.
When You’ve Learned to Shrink
Many people who feel “too much” learn to:
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Over-apologise
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Second-guess themselves
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Self-censor
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Accept less than they deserve
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Stay silent to keep the peace
On the outside, they may look calm and capable.
On the inside, they feel constantly on edge.
It’s exhausting.
And lonely.
How Counselling Can Help
Therapy can gently explore:
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Where the “too much” story began
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How shame has shaped your self-image
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What your emotions are actually trying to communicate
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How to build emotional regulation without suppression
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How to take up space safely
Counselling isn’t about making you less emotional.
It’s about helping you feel without drowning.
Express without apologising.
Need without shame.
And perhaps most importantly, to experience being accepted as you are.
A Gentle Reflection
If this resonates, you might ask yourself:
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Who first made me feel like I was too much?
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What happens when I express emotion now?
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Where in my life do I still shrink?
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What would it feel like to be fully expressed?
There is nothing wrong with being a deep feeler.
You are not too much.
You may simply have been surrounded by people who didn’t know how to hold depth.
You Don’t Have to Shrink Here
If you’re tired of editing yourself,
tired of apologising for your emotions,
tired of feeling like you have to be smaller to be loved.
You don’t have to figure that out alone.
Therapy offers a space where you don’t need to tone yourself down.
A space where your emotions are not “too much”, they’re welcome.
If this touched something in you and you’d like a safe space to explore it, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you. Get in touch