by Francois Martin Hunter
Ever caught yourself thinking…
“I should’ve done better.”
“I’m such an idiot.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
Most of us have.
That relentless voice in your head, the one that criticises, judges, shames — isn’t who you are.
But it may have been with you for a long time.
This voice is often called the inner critic and understanding it is the first step to softening it.
Where Does the Inner Critic Come From?
The inner critic isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you learn.
It can grow from:
-
Childhood experiences — especially where love or approval felt conditional
-
Cultural or family messages — “Don’t be too much.” “Work harder.” “You should know better.”
-
Perfectionism or high-achieving environments
-
Bullying or trauma — where you internalise the blame
-
Being praised only for achievement, not for being you
At one point, this voice may have protected you.
It helped you fit in.
It pushed you to succeed.
It kept you safe from rejection, shame, or disappointment.
But now, it might just be wearing you down.
What the Inner Critic Sounds Like
The inner critic doesn’t always shout. Sometimes, it whispers.
It might sound like:
-
“You’re lazy.”
-
“You’ll never be good enough.”
-
“Don’t even try — you’ll fail.”
-
“They’re just being nice. They don’t really like you.”
-
“You should be over this by now.”
-
“Why can’t you just be normal?”
This voice can become so familiar that you don’t even notice it anymore, it just feels like truth.
But it’s not truth. It’s a story.
And it can be rewritten.
The Impact of Being Hard on Yourself
When that inner critic runs the show, it can lead to:
-
Low self-esteem
-
Anxiety and overthinking
-
Burnout and people-pleasing
-
Paralysis and procrastination
-
Depression, shame, or hopelessness
-
A constant feeling of never being “enough”
You may achieve things… but never feel proud.
You may show up for others… but struggle to be kind to yourself.
You may look “fine” on the outside… but feel like a failure inside.
This is not weakness. It’s a wound.
What the Inner Critic is Really Trying to Say
Believe it or not, your inner critic isn’t trying to destroy you.
It’s trying to protect you just in a harsh, outdated way.
It might be saying:
-
“I don’t want you to get hurt again.”
-
“If you’re perfect, maybe you’ll be safe.”
-
“If you push yourself harder, maybe you’ll finally be enough.”
-
“If you criticise yourself first, no one else can.”
That voice learned fear.
It learned shame.
And now it needs something different.
Reclaiming a Kinder Inner Voice
You can’t just silence the inner critic.
But you can build a new relationship with it.
Here are a few steps to begin:
1. Notice the Voice
Pay attention when it shows up. What does it say? When does it speak the loudest?
2. Name It
Calling it “the inner critic” helps separate it from you.
Try naming it something playful or disarming — like “The Pusher” or “The Doom Narrator.”
3. Get Curious, Not Harsh
Ask:
“What is this part trying to protect me from?”
“Whose voice does this sound like?”
“Is this voice helping me right now?”
4. Offer a Different Response
Try speaking to yourself the way you would to someone you love.
“You’re doing the best you can.”
“It’s okay to be human.”
“You don’t need to earn your worth.”
This can feel unnatural at first especially if you’ve lived with the critic for years.
But kindness is a practice, not a personality trait.
5. Seek Support
Therapy can be a powerful space to unpack the roots of your inner critic, learn self-compassion, and reconnect with your worth beyond achievement, performance, or perfection.
Final Reflection: You Are Not Your Inner Critic
You are not broken because you have this voice.
You are not weak because you struggle to be kind to yourself.
You are human with a story, a history, and a heart that’s trying to heal.
Your inner critic doesn’t get the final say.
You do.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
If you often feel like nothing you do is ever good enough, you’re not alone.
Therapy can help you understand where that inner critic came from, how it’s shaped your life, and how to build a gentler voice within.
Reach out here if you’d like to explore this together in a safe, supportive space.
You deserve to speak to yourself with the same care you offer others.